he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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