He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
