I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
