There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize