Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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