Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
