omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
