At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
