Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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