finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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