There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I currently don't understand fingers.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
