Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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