I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
