i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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