So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize