I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
