You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
