Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
