Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize