I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sext me about skeletons
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
