She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
