Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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