oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
