Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
