based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
