You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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