My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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