Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
