um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I didn't notice because vodka
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
