Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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