I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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