Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
