so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
