I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
