i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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