My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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