my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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