I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
