9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
