watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she peed on how many people?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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