Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
