DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
