ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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