State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
