Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to calm my uterus...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
