So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
