He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
