it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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