he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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