I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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