You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
