their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
