i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
