Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
