Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
