can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
