ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
