checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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