Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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