I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
