i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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