Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
