what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
