Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
