I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
