Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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