Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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