Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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