This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
