i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
